Hamburger

AN ADVANCED AND CONSCIOUS SOCIETY made the Hamburger its God. Fast food restaurants became places of worship. People loved their hamburgers. They ate millions and millions. Many people had heart attacks, strokes, quite a few more had ulcers, varicose veins, stomach cancer, and could not climb stairs without gasping. But they would not give up their sustenance.

School children wrote lengthy epic essays glorifying Cheeseburgers. Stern teachers checked carefully for mistakes. Some teachers were radicals, and did not check so carefully.

Political candidates ran on a pure beef platform which the public ate up. The person who broiled the best Banquet burger was elected High Priest. Everyone prayed to The Hamburger to make their life better.

Many found it profitable.

Hamburgers became an enormous business. Franchise companies had thousands of outlets. After work people drove to the nearest drive-through for a prayer dinner with onion rings.

The demand for burgers was great. It became increasingly difficult to obtain fresh meat. One by one, in the dead of night, homeless people disappeared. Soon they were gone from the streets, which certainly made the streets more pleasant for the people with homes. There were complaints that the burgers were chewier, but no one really minded. This new food source project was called Human Resources. Every city soon developed its own Human Resources Department, supported by government, business and the Church because, as any fool could see, poverty was finally being wiped out.

The fools disappeared next.

Tags Processed