CREON enters.
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OEDIPUS
Ahem. Creon, what did the Oracle say?
CREON
Good news, broski!
OEDIPUS
But what did he say?!
CREON
Are you sure you want me to tell you in public? In front of all these grumpy and poopy peasants? What's that smell? Is that incense?
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GRUMPY AND POOPY PEASANTS turn their heads to OEDIPUS.
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OEDIPUS
Yeah, here is alright. Even poopy and grumpy peasants need to know what's going on!
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GRUMPY AND POOPY PEASANTS turn their heads to CREON.
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CREON
Whatever. I don't care.
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GRUMPY AND POOPY PEASANTS turn their heads back to OEDIPUS.
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OEDIPUS
Fine. Tell us.
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GRUMPY AND POOPY PEASANTS turn their heads back to CREON.
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CREON
Ok then. I will.
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GRUMPY AND POOPY PEASANTS turn their heads back to OEDIPUS.
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OEDIPUS
So do it then.
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GRUMPY AND POOPY PEASANTS turn their heads back to CREON.
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CREON
I am.
[Silence.]
The God Phoebus said that we must rid ourselves of a foul pollution that infests our kingdom and no longer harbour this [CREON makes quotation marks in the air with his fingers] "pus-filled mucous of EVIL abomination from the underworld of death."
CROWD OF GRUMPY AND POOPY PEASANTS
GASP! A [CROWD OF GRUMPY AND POOPY PEASANTS makes quotation marks in the air with their fingers] "pus-filled mucous of EVIL abomination from the underworld of death?!?!" [Muttering among the GRUMPY AND POOPY PEASANTS]
PRIEST
Like, Yoiks!!
OEDIPUS
And…?
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GRUMPY AND POOPY PEASANTS turn their heads to CREON.
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CREON
That's it.
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GRUMPY AND POOPY PEASANTS turn their back heads to OEDIPUS.
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OEDIPUS
That's all he said? Kind of non-specific don't you think?
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GRUMPY AND POOPY PEASANTS turn their heads back to CREON.
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CREON
I dunno. That's what he said.
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GRUMPY AND POOPY PEASANTS turn their heads back to OEDIPUS.
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OEDIPUS
Well, didn't you try and clarify?
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GRUMPY AND POOPY PEASANTS turn their heads back to CREON.
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CREON
[Silence. CREON looks around nervously. Shuffles feet. Then, under his breath] no…
CROWD OF GRUMPY AND POOPY PEASANTS
NO?!?!?!
OEDIPUS
You travel four days to talk to the Oracle and then you don't even clarify when you don't understand his answer?!
CREON
Well SORRY! Why don't you walk the four days and see the Oracle yourself, Mr. I'm so smart. [Mocking OEDIPUS] Hey! Look at me! I'm so smart. I'm the king. I defeated the Sphinx so I get to boss everyone around, nyah, nyah, nyah! Ooooo, look at me in my special pajamas. Worship me! Worship me!
OEDIPUS
Alright, alright. By Chronos' Kefetedes Creon, relax. It was just a question. Do you have any idea what he meant by 'getting rid of the foul pollution?'
CREON
Well…I guess it means...
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GRUMPY AND POOPY PEASANTS turn their heads to CREON.
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…uh…unless we get rid of this [CREON makes quotation marks in the air with his fingers] "pus-filled mucous of EVIL abomination from the underworld of death" we're all in deep shit. At least that's my interpretation.
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