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SCENE I Part C
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OEDIPUS
But what does that mean? Who or WHAT is this [OEDIPUS makes quotation marks in the air with his fingers] "pus-filled mucous of EVIL abomination from the underworld of death?"
POOPY PEASANT 1
Maybe it's the Sphinx?
OEDIPUS
No. The Sphinx is already gone. [Silence]
POOPY PEASANT 2
Zeus! Maybe Zeus did it!
OEDIPUS
No, Zeus loves Thebes!
POOPY PEASANT 3
Is it a dog?
OEDIPUS
What?!
POOPY PEASANT 3
Could it be a dog? Like a really bad dog?
POOPY PEASANT 4
It's my husband! He's always drinking all the milk…straight from the sheep!
OEDIPUS
NO! NO! NO! [Silence]
POOPY PEASANT 3
Is it a dog?
OEDIPUS
NO!! [Silence]
CREON
I have an idea. Before you became king. There was another guy - King Laius.
OEDIPUS
Yeah. I know. But when I came around, he was already gone.
CREON
Well, we suspect he was……murdered [Suspense music. Silence.] We've never avenged our honourable king. That's why we're cursed…and I think we need to take BLOODY VENGEANCE on whoever did it.
OEDIPUS
But who was it? It happened so long ago. How are we ever gonna find them?
CREON
The oracle said "Who seeks shall find; Who sits with folded hands or sleeps is blind."
OEDIPUS
Well WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? It's like he's teasing us with riddles!
CREON
I don't know. It's all…Greek to me. [Winking and raising eyebrows to the audience like Groucho Marx. There is a large audible groan from the GRUMPY AND POOPY PEASANTS. Someone yells SHUT UP!! Another yells YOU SUCK!!]
Well, I thought it was…punny!! [Winking and raising eyebrows to the audience like Groucho Marx.]
CROWD OF GRUMPY AND POOPY PEASANTS
BOOO!!! [Several vegetables are thrown at the stage]
OEDIPUS
Alright! That's enough! [Throwing stops] We must solve this riddle… [a plastic doll head is thrown up onto the stage. OEDIPUS turns sharply to the crowd with a menacing glare. A meek voice in the back mumbles "sorry"] But what could it mean?
PRIEST
Hey man, it's deep. He means, like, you gotta be proactive. He says, like, if you look for it you will find it. But if you don't, you won't.
OEDIPUS
Oh, THAT'S profound. [Muttering under his breath] fucking Oracle. [Aloud] So what are we supposed to do then?
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Blank stares from everyone.
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Alright. When this Laius guy kicked the bucket - was he at home or out traveling?
CREON
He said he was going to Delphi, but he never came back.
OEDIPUS
Aha! Now we're getting somewhere. So he was abroad then?
CREON
Huh? What leap of logic is this? No, Laius was a man!
OEDIPUS
What are you talking about? I just said he was abroad…
CREON
But…wouldn't that make him a queen?
OEDIPUS
Laius was a queen? Really?
CREON
If he were a woman…wouldn't he be?
OEDIPUS
But I thought he was a man?
CREON
[Perplexed look of bepuzzlement. Silence] huh?
OEDIPUS
[Perplexed look of bepuzzlement. Silence] right?
CREON
Former King Laius was a man, yes.
OEDIPUS
But he's not now?
CREON
No, he's dead.
OEDIPUS
A dead man or a dead woman?
CREON
A dead man…I think
OEDIPUS
So when he left to go to Delphi…he was a man.
CREON
Right.
OEDIPUS
And when he died, he was a man, right?
CREON
Unless something funny happened on the way to the forum at Delphi, then yes.
OEDIPUS
Ok, I'm glad we cleared that up. So when he became dead, wasn't there any news of who did it to him? Some sort of clue we could go on?
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NEXT! The exciting conclusion of SCENE I:
Theboids get Pro-active!
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