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SCENE I Part D
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CREON
Well, only one man made it away alive. And he could remember only one thing.
OEDIPUS
What was it?! Tell me! Any sort of clue will help!
CREON
Well…
OEDIPUS
WHAT?! WHAT IS IT?!
CREON
He said it was a bunch of bandits, robbers that attacked and murdered King Laius.
OEDIPUS
That's our clue?! What, is this entire country made up of morons? [silence] Hmmm, that's still pretty gutsy for robbers to take on a king and his men…though, unless they were some sort of Theboid assassins!
CREON
Theboids, brother?
OEDIPUS
You know, people from Thebes.
CREON
Oh! Those Theboids. No, there was no evidence to follow up…and amid the chaos that ensued, we were never able to fully devote an investigation into the matter of my sister's husband's death.
OEDIPUS
[Turning to the audience and shouting] OUR TOWN IS IN RUINS, A PLAGUE BLIGHTS THE HARVESTS, LIVESTOCK AND PEOPLE. OUR PREVIOUS KING WAS MURDERED AND YOU MEAN TO SAY THAT THIS STORY GETS WORSE?! [Foreshadowing sign flashes]
CREON
Well, then came the Sphinx. And she was such an annoying wanker we didn't have time to attend to the murder of Laius.
OEDIPUS
So, just to recap… [OEDIPUS turns to the audience and shouts] A GROUP OF ROBBERS HAVE KILLED THE FORMER KING AND GOT AWAY WITH IT AND ARE LIVING IN THEBES. OUR ONLY WAY OF SAVING THE CITY IS TO AVENGE KING LAIUS' DEATH.
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OEDIPUS turns back to CREON. Short pause. He turns back to the audience and shouts.
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AND, KING LAIUS MAY OR MAY NOT BE A WOMAN.
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OEDIPUS turns back to CREON.
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Well, it's pretty obvious we have to solve this problem. We will solve this wrong of wrongs and expunge the [OEDIPUS makes quotation marks in the air with his fingers] "pus-filled mucous of EVIL abomination from the underworld of death!" Citizens, fear not! I'll do whatever I can to bring these Theboid bandit robbers to justice! Mostly because they might wanna kill me too. So really, it's a win-win situation.
Alright, grumpy and poopy peasants, DISPERSE! Do what you can to aid in this endeavor…or else we're all FUBARED!
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OEDIPUS and CREON exit holding hands in a very heterosexual way.
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PRIEST
Well, that was easy. Come, Grumpy and Poopy peasants, let us pray that the god who sent us the oracle will help us fight the [PRIEST makes quotation marks in the air with his fingers] "pus-filled mucous of EVIL abomination from the underworld of death!"
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PRIEST and GRUMPY AND POOPY PEASANTS exit singing Kumbaya.
End of Scene 1.
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What a cliff hanger, eh?!
BE SURE TO COME BACK TO ESCAPE!press LATER TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS IN THE NEXT THRILLING SCENE:
Oedipus Greco-Roman Wrestles the Disabled!!
More chuckles! More laughs! More disabled citizens being wrestled by their royalty!
Anger! Fear! Horse Dung!
BE SURE TO DON'T MISS IT!!
In the meantime...why not slam the play in the forum!
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