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SCENE III Part C
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CREON
What are you going to do to me? Banish me?
OEDIPUS
Ha! You should be so lucky. I'm gonna put a picture of your severed head right here on my jam-jams!
CREON
So you refuse to trust me, eh?
OEDIPUS
Trust you! Ha! Remember when we did that trust exercise to build up castle teamwork! Where you had to fall and let the other person catch you? You let me fall! Every stinking time! And everyone thought it was the funniest thing!
CREON
Well, I didn't think you'd fall for it twenty-three times. It just got funnier and funnier. I couldn't help it. Like, when were you gonna catch on?! Even the teacher was laughing!
OEDIPUS
Well it was a TRUST exercise! You're supposed to TRUST your partner! That should have been my first clue, you traitorous sceptre-leech!
CREON
I think the lesson to be learned then was that there is a time to not trust.
OEDIPUS
Aha! My point exactly!
CREON
Wait! I didn't mean it that way! You can't kill me! What if you are wrong about me?
OEDIPUS
Well, I have to do something!
CREON
Not if they're BAD things!
OEDIPUS
Ha! See! Already, judging my decisions. You want the crown more than the priest wants his scooby snacks!
CREON
Nunh-uh!! I do not!!
OEDIPUS
Ugh! You make me sick! I can't believe I ever held hands with you in a very heterosexual way!
CREON
Well, at least I never gave the citizens of Thebes a box office view of the royal groin!
PALACE GUARD 6
Uh-oh! Here comes Queen Jocasta! Just in time. Since men are BIOLOGICALLY PREORDAINED to be unable to solve arguments constructively, this dispute requires a woman's touch!
OEDIPUS and CREON
Shut up!
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| JOCASTA enters amidst whistles and cat-calls from the audience including, but not limited to - Shake it Baby! And Show us your Boobs! |
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JOCASTA
Oedipus! Are you still in your pajamas?!
OEDIPUS
But these are my favourite jam-jams!
JOCASTA
What the hell are you two yelling about out here?! You're acting like a bunch of three year olds? The-
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Someone from the audience yells out -'I'm a three year old! Spank me baby!!'
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OEIDIPUS
[to audience] SHUT UP! That's my wife!
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NEXT!:
It's good to be the King?
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