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SCENE III Part D
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JOCASTA
[To CREON and OEDIPUS] The city is in ruins and all you two can do is stick your fingers into each others wounds Airing your dirty laundry while the country is plagued! Oedipus! Get inside! I'm really disappointed in you!
OEDIPUS
What are you yelling at ME for? It's not like I [turns and shouts at audience] KILLED MY DAD AND SLEPT WITH MY MOM OR ANYTHING REALLY BAD LIKE THAT!
JOCASTA
And Creon, you too! Go to your room!
CREON
But sis! Oedipus said he was gonna cut off my head!
OEDIPUS
That's because you are trying to steal my crown!
CREON
Nunh-uh! I was not!
JOCASTA
Oedipus, get a grip! Creon doesn't want your crown or your jewels. Now go to your room!
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| Someone from the audience yells out: Come check out MY jewels, hotcakes! JOCASTA ignores them. |
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OEDIPUS
Ohhhhhhh!!! This is so unfair! He tried to steal my crown! This is just like the time I caught him wearing my jam-jams and you didn't believe me! But he was wearing them! They're not your adventures. Their MY adventures. The Adventures of Oedipus - masterful riddle solver!
PALACE GUARD 1
Sir, maybe Jocasta has a point...
OEDIPUS
SHADDAP!!
PALACE GUARD 6
Yeah, maybe you're blowing this wayyyy out of proportion.
OEDIPUS
You know, it's going to be really ironic if I'm forced to wrestle my own guards!
PALACE GUARD 6
[ashamed] Yeah, I know.
OEDIPUS
That's right. I'm the king.
PALACE GUARD 2
But as palace guards, we know what's going on in the castle. Creon has been your faithful aide in all matters - he has never failed you. And yet now, you turn against him so suddenly. Perhaps you should hear him out.
CREON
That's right. You get all CRAZY when you're mad.
OEDIPUS
Oooooh! You're getting me all steamed up! Everybody is ganging up on me! You're siding with Creon you crown usurping sympathizers! What happened to the suck ups I knew and loved!?
PALACE GUARD 1
Oh no no no. We're still suck ups. We just think maybe it's not wise to make enemies out of friends at this point.
PALACE GUARD 3
Yeah. You're the GREATEST boss EVER!!
PALACE GUARD 4
Yeah, cross our hearts and hope to die.
OEDIPUS
How can I listen to this nonsense!? The way he puts things, I'll have to banish myself from Thebes! [He gets a stern look from JOCASTA and others.] Fine. I'll forgive him. But ONLY because you say so...not because he deserves it.
CREON
Well, you don't SOUND very sorry. I want an apology.
OEDIPUS
I'm sorry.
CREON
What? I didn't hear you?
OEDIPUS
I said I'm sorry.
CREON
Huh? Say again?!
OEDIPUS
[Going for Creon's neck] Why you! I'll kill you just for fun now! [Creon runs offstage giggling] Little bastard.
End of Scene 3.
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THE GODS MUST BE ZANY!:
Well, this scene didn't advance the plot at all, really, but it was chock-full of stuff that those Greeks loved: wrestling, traitoring, stupifying logic and hot-mom action! Sure, this scene was just sort of a recap but I didn't write it. It was all Sophocles and that's ok because he was just resting you up for the next scene where he goes totally apeshit on the kookiness! That's right, plus more hot-mom action!, in Scene 4:
Jocasta and Oedipus make-up and make-out.
Coming to a website near you (this one) when somebody actually posts in the forum!
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