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Now, this would be the end of the story, and hardly one worth committing to paper, if it were not for my recounting of this story to my new Residence Assistant on my new floor the next year prompting another challenge: one perhaps even greater, more galling and stupid than the previous, if that can be imagined. As it was brought, innocuously enough, to our floor by the fireman, I had inadvertently brought it to another.
As I said, I recounted this story to several people - one of whom was my RA. The gleam in his eyes as I told it should have been my first hint to make it sound less glorious…but I couldn't help it. It was glorious - in a very stupid way…and I wanted to confirm that I couldn't be the only person who believed, off the bat, that this was impossible. Alas, he too believed it could be done. I could see the wild twinkling in his pupils. Through much coaxing I managed to convince him that it could not be done. Though he never believed it in his heart of hearts; he only trusted my wisdom as the teller of the story. But still, he wasn't satisfied. Which is why, a couple weeks later, around nine pm, I found him in the hallway with two cold 4 litre jugs of chocolate milk.
He informed me he had already found people who wanted to participate - who believed they could do it. I told him he should have gotten more than two jugs, as only two people could participate then. We had one definite combatant already: Adam was a tall guy on our floor with a healthy appetite. The kind of guy who would make a good basketball player if he wasn't so good at being lazy. Adam was in it from the start. I don't know if he ever believed he could master the challenge or not, but it seemed like something Adam wanted to try. As it was, several of the people who had expressed interest or assured us they could do it weren't around or backed down when the time came. And so we were forced to roam the halls to find another contestant. It wasn't that difficult.
Adrian was a computer whiz kind of guy. A friend of another computer whiz on our floor who believed it could be done, but turned down the offer. Adrian, on the other hand, accepted almost immediately. Almost as if it was something at least more fun than sitting in a room staring at a screen. He had had a plate of spaghetti only moments before, but was still sure he could pass the challenge.
So we all gathered in the great hall (the common kitchen) with two glasses, two 4 litre jugs of cold chocolate milk, two challengers, at least a dozen spectators, one hour, and plenty of excitement. The glasses were filled by the two challengers and the contest began. It was as bland a beginning as you'd expect when the contest is drinking over the span of an hour. They took it slowly and people joked and were giddy in the revelry and excitement of what was to come. People wondered who would win. I knew neither would. At one point a woman from the other side of the floor came in and wondered why we were all sitting around watching these two drink chocolate milk. When she was informed she turned up her nose in disgust and left us 'losers.'
Next! The force was with him!
*first or last names, where necessary, have been changed or omitted to protect the silly.
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