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English 101

 Joe Reese
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 Joe Reese
English 101
by Joe Reese  FollowFollow
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I've been teaching English for 36 years, during which time I've been fired by every educational institution in the country.
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English 101
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TO THE EDITORS:
I’m a lifelong English professor. Due to the recent violence on college campuses, a number of NRA supported groups have advocated allowing students to carry guns in classrooms. They reason that armed students (who have completed a handgun safety course) could defend themselves against terrorists or lunatic shooters. I have always thought that an insane idea, but these NRA people keep writing letters to the editor, and, finally, they have convinced me. After doing handgun safety research, I have amended my syllabus accordingly, and submit it for your perusal. ENGLISH 101 BASIC COMPOSITION (PENDING NRA APPROVAL) Instructor:  Joe Reese Office Hours:  TTh 3-5 Required Course Texts: Sperry, Thomas and Studstill, Paul.  The Writing Process. Second Edition, 2001 Orstoff, Thomas. Research and Documentation in the Electronic Age. New York:  McGraw-Hill, 2003. Nash, David. “Barricade Firing.”  www.nra.com Hawkes, Chuck. “A Beginner’s Guide to Stopping Power.”  www.targetmaster.com
Supplies: A binder for Blackboard materials/handout 1 pocket folder (for turning in formal papers) A high quality, safe, handgun for EACH student NOTE:  Recommended weapons are: - Beretta 950 BS, .25ACP, SA auto, Blue, 8, 4.5”, 2 1/2”, fixed poor, 8, 25 - Kahr PM9, 9x19, DAO auto, Sts, 14, 5.3”, 3”, fixed good, 7, 89
Students should please note:  any other weapons can be brought to class only with a note from the student’s parent and/or legal guardian.
Course Description: This course is an introductory composition and rhetoric course. Our focus in this class is on the process of writing. Because we will only be meeting twice a week for an extended amount of time, it is crucial that you complete all reading assigned and come prepared to talk and write. Since it is also possible that we may be attacked at any time by one or more gunmen, you will be expected to defend yourself and your classmates at all times. All students will be required to possess, bring to class, and be able to use effectively, a defensive handgun.
Note: Under no circumstances are offensive  handguns to be allowed in classrooms, public spaces, or any university property. Students arriving in class with an offensive and not defensive weapon will be required to return to their dorms immediately, and re-arm themselves. Further Note Concerning Derringers and cell phones:   Cell phones can be highly disturbing, and constitute a breach of academic decorum. Likewise, derringers are single shot weapons, and, while useful in classroom debate, cannot be used against multiple assailants. Therefore:  CELL PHONES AND DERRINGERS ARE PROHIBITED IN CLASSROOMS AT THIS UNIVERSITY.

Ammunition: The English Department suggests the use of the following types of ammunition: Cartridge for instruction and target shooting: .22 Long Rifle Plinking: .22 Long Rifle, 9mm Luger (9x19), .38 Special, .45 Colt
The above ammunition can be obtained at the college bookstore. Students are free to use other forms of ammunition only with the instructor’s written consent, and must obtain said ammunition through interlibrary loan.
SPECIAL NOTE:  INSTRUCTORS WILL NOT PROVIDE AMMUNITION!
Grading: 1.Comparative Essay  10% 2.Drop and Roll Techniques 10% 3.Argumentative Essay 15% 4.One-Hand Shooting 10% 5.Research Paper 20% 6.Barricade Shooting 10% 7.Analysis of Wordsworth’s “I Wandered Lonely As a Cloud”  10% 8.Shooting Behind Furniture  15%
Attendance and Lateness: Students will be allowed no more than four absences per semester. No students will be allowed to enter class during barricade shooting.
FINAL PAPER CHECKLIST FOR ALL STUDENTS: 1.I have stapled my essay. 2.I have turned on my safety 3.I have used Times New Roman, pt. 12 font. No exceptions. 4.I have brought a conventional holster, which is considered the best option for a fast draw (www.concealedcarry.com).\5.I have used one-inch margins. 6.I have avoided placing my finger on the trigger unless I really mean to shoot. 7.I have proofread carefully. 8.I have not looked down the barrel of my own gun.
And, last of all, the instructor would like for students to remember two quotations:
1.“Shall I not have words as fresh as my thoughts?”  (Thoreau) 2.“My favorite method for carrying a mini-gun is the belt pouch.” (Hawks)
GOOD LUCK, AND HAVE A GREAT SEMESTER!

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Poem of the Week

I Walk In Snow

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To build a fire

Author of the Week

Jessica Dawson is a modern-day Wendy. She lives in California with Peter Pan, a preschool diva and a future statistic, unfortunately. She’s the author of one book of poetry, Fossil Fuels (Verve Bath Press), and has had poems published in Thunder...read more Sandwich, The Montucky Review, Passenger May, killpoet, Words Dance, Remark., Nefarious Ballerina, and
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0 likes | 0 followers | 0 creations